Crawling
by Relatively Unknown
Summary: Naruto muses darkly to the tune of Linkin Park. Song is overused, but everything is completely original and unique. Plz R/R!


A/N: I wrote this a long time ago, as a part of a series that never got any further. I went  
back over it and I figured, hey, this would make a great one-shot. So, here it is. 

Mæthis: Short, simple, and to the point. I have taught you well, milady.

CA: Nope, it's just one in the morning and I'm not up for talking that much.

Mæthis: Oh, well that's a relief.

CA: Oh?

Mæthis: Yes, saves me a lot of explaining. I thought I had a miracle on my hands.

CA: Oh shaddup.

Mæthis: With pleasure, milady. Now, don't forget your dedication!

CA: Oh yeah... _DEDICATION REMOVED_

****

SANITIZED: LYRICS HAVE BEEN REMOVED. THIS IS THE FFNET APPROVED, SANITARY, MADE-FOR-KIDDIES VERSION. TO VIEW THE ORIGINAL, GO TO MY SITE AND VENTURE UNDER "THE WORKS" AND THE APPROPRIATE SHOW.

* * *

_MISSING WORDS_

I sat on the roof of my house. The sun had almost finished its descent into the mountains.  
The warm glow highlighted my outfit, but not me. I was dark and cold inside. Much like  
the way everyone else is to me.

I'm different from what they think I am. Yes, I am still Nine-Tails, but everything else  
about me isn't what it seems. I'm not the happy-go-lucky, bright, loud, and obnoxious  
boy that they see me as; in truth I'm probably more like Sasuke than I'll ever admit.

They hurt me more than they know; how could they know when I hide all the wounds  
within me. Outside no scars show because of the healing ability, but inside I am war-torn  
battlefield that erupts in agony every moment that I'm around them. You think I'd get  
used to it, but how could I...?

_MISSING WORDS_

The feelings, I guess, of emptiness and pain I'm used to. I've never known anything else  
in my life-- not love or acceptance or even friendship. All my life I've been alone. Even  
when I'm surrounded by all the others, I'm still isolated unto myself. The closest I've  
ever been to friendship is Iruka, and even then it's limited, so the next ones in line are  
Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi. The strangest of them all is probably the last one, but he  
can put up with my other persona's tricks, pranks, and other contemptable behavior (I got  
that from Iruka), so he's good.

I've always wondered, am I Nine-Tails or is he me? He lies dormant while I do not, but I  
know he has a heavy influence on me. My appearance for example. I look more like a fox  
at times than a do a human. My eyes reflect in the dark, there's the three marks on each  
side of my face, and Lord Hokage the Fourth's markings are still on my stomach. A tattoo  
almost. I hate my appearance. I hate my blonde hair, I hate my blue eyes that reflect red, I  
hate my markings, I just plain out hate myself.

I can't take their attacks on me anymore. Not even the insults. I'm sick of getting my ass  
handed to me every day, I'm sick of their damn curses, and I'm sick of being who I am.  
The warped thing is I don't blame Nine-Tails. Hell, he didn't ask to be sealed in newborn  
brat! And a rather pathetic one at that. I can't do anything right except the "Ninja  
Centerfold" and "Art of the Doppleganger", the former of which isn't even worth my  
time.

_MISSING WORDS_

The sun's bottom edge has just reached the top of the mountains. Everyone is getting  
ready to pack it in for the day. Time for the mothers to make dinner and send the little  
ones off to bed, time for the fathers to read them stories and do minor fixing around the  
house, time for the older kids to call their friends or do homework. I wish I could be like  
them.

I hate them and yet I want to be them. Envy? Jealousy? I'm not sure but either way it adds  
up to the same answer: I want to be anything except me. If I was like Sasuke, I would  
actually have a shot at become Hokage; if I was like Sakura I would have a lot of friends;  
if I was Iruka I would have respect; and if I was Kakashi I would have freedom and fun.  
He's tough, don't get me wrong, but in everything he makes us do I've noticed there's a  
hint of playfulness and humor. He likes jokes, I know that. I don't mind them unless I'm  
the butt of them-- then they annoy me.

_MISSING WORDS_

I honestly don't know how I've survived this long. I don't think I can much longer. The  
nights when I cry myself to sleep are becoming more and more often. I guess I could be  
accused of masochism since it's my staying here that causes it. But if I left I'd only be  
more alone and I would leave behind all that I've worked for. It's not much and it's so  
frustrating, but it's all that I have.

Iruka gave me a picture of my parents once. It was in an envelope with my name on it. I  
could see the blurred outlines of two people through the white paper. I took it home and  
burnt it. What was the point of having a picture of someone I didn't remember and could  
never see again? It was a nice thought, but it would only cause me more pain. I didn't tell  
Iruka that. I told him I had hid it in a safe place.

The sun is halfway gone. The glow has gone from golden to orange and now to red. The  
sky is a dark pink. Darkness is catching up. I use to wonder when I was little about how it  
seemed that the dark was always chasing the light and vice versa, but neither of them  
caught the other. It was an eternal chase that only would end when the universe was  
destroyed; the result being a tie.

_MISSING WORDS_

I feel like that, being in a battle. I'm the light and the darkness is chasing me, only getting  
closer and closer each night. Or perhaps I'm the dark being slowly driven out by the light.  
My battle is with the world, and no matter what I am-- the dark or the light-- I'm losing.  
Each day I lose a little more ground.

Have you ever tried to balance on a wire or rope or anything similiar? Hard, isn't it?  
Imagine you're on a thin wire stretched across an ocean, only instaed of water below you  
it's oblivion. When you fall, you die. Most fear that fall and keep their eyes straight  
ahead. I'm not sure I want to do that any more. At times I feel like stopping. I won't look  
down, I'll just close my eyes and let myself fall. Do I fear that fall? I won't lie. I do. But  
it's not the same kind of fear others have.

They worry about things left behind, or about how it affects others, or how painful it'll  
be. I don't. The only thing that I'm frightened of is that when I die, there will be nothing  
there for me. Just oblivion. Or maybe it'll only be the same as before, only I can't die  
again. Those are the only two thoughts keeping me here, in this world. But even oblivion  
is starting to seem tempting.

_MISSING WORDS_

I don't fantasize about seeing my parents. Truthfully I don't want to. I haven't ever  
known them, so what would be the point? They left me to be this half-human half-demon  
fox abomination created for the sole purpose of keeping the village safe. I wonder if when  
I die he'll be released once again and some other child will share my fate? If I don't die  
by my own accord then that time will come when all the adults and most of the children  
are dead and gone. I age slower, hence my height and other childlike qualities.

I grow weary of this existence. Not just the people, but the whole damn world and  
everything in it. I used to love life, long ago, but now I only see the darkness and the  
suffering brought on by anger and hate. I don't want this world; I reject it! But there is  
nothing else for me.

The sun is gone now. The darkness has won, at least until dawn when the chase across the  
sky is resumed. I won't cry tonight. No, I've shed enough tears for this world, there will  
be no more. The sun has set. I can only wonder if it has set on me.

_MISSING WORDS_

* * *

CA: Not too bad, huh?

Mæthis: I suppose. I'm not one for angst, you know that.

CA: True, but you're my yami and you're supposed to encourage me.

Mæthis: Now why would I do something as stupid as that? That's the Trio's job.

CA: sighs See what I have to put up with? So how about some reviews to cheer me up?  
Hmm? Pretty please?

Mæthis: Beggar.

CA: And proud of it!


End file.
